The Feeling of Loss
by emmakmc
Summary: Thorin, Fili and Kili do not die on Raven Hill but are saved by the elves, only to be brought back to a broken kingdom to suffer their injuries. The war may be over but for our favourite Durin's the battle is just beginning.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a story focused on our three favourite dwarves, potentially not dying out right on the battle field. They are recovering from their injuries with some help from other characters. The war may be over for the dwarves but for Thorin Fili and Kili the battle is only just beginning.**

The Battle had raged all around them, but with their leader dead the orcs had ran turned and ran. Their king and two princes had ended the war and had seemingly given their lives only to have been saved by the grace of the Elder. They now lay sleeping and holding on to the strings of life. Was it so the dwarves could watch their king and his heirs die not in battle but from their injuries, in an unguarded kingdom which had housed a dragon and had more wealth than any other kingdom in Middle Earth. The company recovering from their own injuries could only take charge of the kingdom in the way they hoped their king would want.

Balin watched as the young Durin prince grimaced in his sleep, moving his head to the side. His eyes were wet from fear or pain, Balin didn't know whether it was one or both. He patted the younger's hand and raised a damp cloth to the lads head, feeling a warmth beneath it, trying to keep down fever was of the upmost importance so Oin had said.

He sighed and risked a glance across the room, two more Durin's lay prone, neither of them moved. He watched as Oin nodded to himself and left the now king of Erebor, and busied himself to deal with his two other patients. He glanced to the blond close by, Fili lay silent his eyes closed and his breathing slow. He had none of the agitation that his younger brother appeared to have, still frowning and with ragged breaths, Kili was the only one of the three to have shown any movement since being brought back to Erebor. Balin had watched how the elves had worked tirelessly on the sons of Durin, bringing each back from the brink of death.

 _Striding like he had no other purpose but what he had come to do, Thranduil appeared before the King of the mountain._

" _Thorin" The king of Mirkwood had fell to his knees beside the Dwarf. He rested a hand on Thorin's wound, a stab wound to the stomach and multiple injuries littered Thorin's body._

" _No, the boys, help the boys"_

 _Thranduil looked at Dwalin._

" _You are the king Thorin" Dwalin tried to tell Thorin._

 _Bilbo who had lingered close by, suddenly ran off "I will find them for you"_

 _Bilbo came to rest on the youngest Durin, Kili lay covered in blood, appearing dead, he he lay beside the body of an elf., Legolas was sitting beside her._

" _She died for him, she tried to save him and she could not do any more, Bolg had given her injuries that she could not heal, but she gave what she had to save the dwarf. Legolas didn't look at Kili as he spoke, he only had eyes for Tauriel. Bilbo swallowed, not quite knowing what to say._

" _I'm sorry" Bilbo finally managed to say._

" _Thranduil, he is with Thorin, they want to know the fate of Fili and Kili" Bilbo felt awkward._

 _Legolas turned to the young dwarf and touched his neck._

" _She tried to save him, although he is grievously injured, I do not know if he will live, he is alive for now"_

 _Bilbo nodded his thanks, "Thank you Thank you and I'm sorry about her, she had a good heart"_

 _Bilbo moved further down to where he had seen Fili fall, Azog had stabbed him, but he had fought bravely and fallen from the orc's grasp, a fall like that must have only meant death. He pressed his eyes closed before he opened them to see Beorn towing over the blonde dwarf. Gandalf also was there, whispering words that Bilbo did not understand. He cleared his throat to announce his arrival and Gandalf turned and gave him a sad smile._

" _He is dead then" Bilbo's voice breaking slightly as he fought his emotions. He had got on well with Fili. He and his brother were the pranksters but also full of joy._

" _He breathes Bilbo, but his body is broken, perhaps beyond repair, we can only get him safe and then comfortable and then we shall see about this Durin spirit, everyone talks about"_

 _Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief. "Thorin and Kili are both alive too, Thorin has terrible injuries and Kili is unconscious but.."." He paused and pressed his lips together "We can only hope" He finished_

Balin rubbed his head, the memories of the battle running through it was giving him a headache and was probably the reason for Kili's obvious fear and having some impact on the young durin in front of him, Kili's face grimaced and his hand clenched. Balin soothed him, laying a hand upon his head and whispering quiet soothing words. That's what Thorin would have done, thought Balin. It had been a long time since he had comforted Kili in this manner, not for many years, but at the moment there was no family to do it and the task he felt had fallen to him.

Dwalin moved tiredly through the beds, the three Durin's were together and as close as Oin would allow, but Dwalin knew that Kili would need to be closer should he wake.

"No change?"

Balin shook his head.

"Not from Fili or Thorin but Kili has been moving around, although he still hasn't woken." Dwalin nodded. He looked down at Kili and a frown crossed his face. He fell into the chair at the other side of Kili's bed.

"What will we do Balin, if none of them wake?"

"They will wake, I have sat here with Kili and he will wake soon, I can tell, although to what state I do not know"

Dwalin again glanced at Kili. "He will be the most trouble"

Balin grinned, the first smile since the battle. He knew exactly what Dwalin was talking about, a flood of memories danced in front of him, one of Kili as a dwarfling, refusing stubbornly to leave his brothers side, even though he had what appeared to have an injury to both his head and his arm.

A chuckle escaped him, "Well as long as we are here"

"Will you send word to Dis" Dwalin asked with caution

"I think we must" Balin sighed, another hard job that would surely be left to him. Dwalin nodded quietly. It was no secret that he doted on Dis. He had no desire to marry of course but Dwalin had a huge soft spot, when it came to the Princess of Erebor.

Dis was as stubborn as Thorin, but softer and easier to read. Balin knew his job of writing to her and telling her not only about Thorin but the boys as well, would devastate her, he didn't want to make her travel to Erebor quickly and without preparations. But he knew she would. Thorin had left her in charge of the folk in Ered Luin and it was something that she took very seriously.

Kili suddenly made a sound and his head whipped to the side.

"Shhh Kili, it's alright" It was Dwalin this time that comforted the lad. Kili appeared to still at the sound, his fingers grasping at the bed sheets.

"All right Kili, open your eyes lad, come on" Dwalin coached him but his eyes did not open, his mouth opened slightly as if trying to pull in air. A small trickle of blood ran from his nose. Balin and Dwalin shared a look, Balin's full of pity but Dwalin's was fear. He had looked in on Thorin and Fili earlier and both were incredibly lucky to still be breathing. Kili had looked the least injured of the three, a stab wound to the chest which surely should have killed him, but had been kept at bay by Thranduil's captain of the guard who Dwalin remembered Kili had spoken to in Mirkwood. Kili was in obvious pain, whereas Fili had given them nothing since RavenHill and Thorin had not woken since Thranduil had used elvish magic to keep him alive.

Kili, ever the fidget, the dwarfling who couldn't sit still or stop asking questions, the lad who laughed and joked his way through everything, the lad who secretly was terrified of disappointing his mother or uncle and was always afraid that he wasn't good enough, the lad that had fought to shoot a bow and succeeded. The lad that had fallen in love with an elf! Balin sighed. Dwalin was right, if Kili woke before the others, he would be trouble.

Oin shuffled over to them, laying his hand over Kili's head.

"Still no fever, that's good" He muttered to himself. He wiped Kili's nose of the blood. The brunette tilted his head as if in defiance. Oin tutted at his petulance. Kili did not open his eyes. Oin sighed. "He will wake when he is ready and then he can have some pain medicine"

"And what of Fili and Thorin?" Balin asked.

"Fili is breathing, that is good enough for me, he has terrible injuries, broken bones, Mahal knows if his body will heal and Thorin…" Oin trailed off as he turned to look at Thorin who was directly across from Kili.

"I don't know… Thranduil thinks he should have woken by now. The three dwarves looked across at their King, His chest rising and falling at a regular rhythm. Kill suddenly shivered bringing them all back to gaze upon him. Oin covered him with a blanket from the bottom of the bed. "Hope that is not the beginnings of fever. That we definitely don't need"

Thranduil sat with his wine in a nearby tent. He had watched the earlier events. Dwarves from the iron hills under the guidance of Dain were helping to make Erebor liveable. Thranduil suspected that once they had succeeded, they would move the Dwarf King and his heirs inside the mountain. Legolas, stood to the entrance, facing away from his father, unable to speak so great was his grief. Thranduil felt it too, Taurial had been special to him, and he had protected her and allowed her to become captain of the guard. Thranduil knew only too well the loss of someone you loved.

"You fought well today" He spoke with softness to his son who did not reply. Thranduil tried again.

"What you did for the dwarf, you saved his life."

"Tauriel saved his life and gave hers in return, I do not even know if he will survive, my input was hardly anything" Legolas's tone was harsh.

Thranduil sighed, "I never thought I would have helped to save the lives of the dwarves of Durin"

Legolas looked at his father, his face showed a range of emotion, sadness and anger entwined.

"Tauriel taught me something today" Thranduil continued "That we should show love to the other folks of middle earth, the hatred between dwarves and elves should not make us ignore the deeds of good" He paused to look at his son's face. "The dwarves fought the orcs well today and if not for Thorin, then we would still be at war with not only the orcs but the dwarves as well". Legolas nodded.

"I think Tauriel might have loved that dwarf,"

Thranduil pressed his lips together, he had of course known separate races of people fall in love before, the thought of an elf and a dwarf was strange to him but not unheard of, he remembered how she had wanted to kill the orc who had told her that Kili was poisoned, how he had stopped her and how he had reflected that he did not care about one dead dwarf.

He had healed Thorin that day, had aided in the healing of his blond nephew alongside Gandalf and another elf who was a healer. On his way to find Thorin, he had watched as Legolas had aided the young dwarf to breath after Tauriel had lost her battle against her injuries and had given away the remaining grace she had to a dwarf she hardly knew. Thranduil moved towards his son and rested an arm upon his shoulder. Legolas paid no heed and simply stared unmoving and silent.

Gandalf and Bilbo remained sitting on the remains of the open door of Erebor. Dain was having some of his men begin to fix the space, the place was quiet now, the sounds of anguish and suffering sometimes being heard as both hobbit and wizard sat smoking.

"Do you think they will live" Bilbo asked

Gandalf made a strange sound at the back of his throat.

"I have called upon the elves of Rivendell to help, they should be here swiftly but who knows if any will survive that long.

Bilbo bit his lip, "I though Fili to be dead, how could anyone survive that fall"

Gandalf blow a smoke ring that fell away like tears falling, "His body is broken, but we will see whether or not he survives."

Bilbo contemplated the Durin's he had wanted to see them in case anything happened but he fell oddly out of place, Balin and Dwalin had become their protectors, nobody went in without Dwalin's say so and Balin and Oin were helping to treat them all. He had watched Ori dither by the tent earlier, he had waited and then obviously decided not to encroach of the personal space of the royal family as of course they now were, Bilbo smiled to himself and let out a little laugh.

Gandalf looked oddly at him.

"And what are you smiling about Bilbo Baggins?"

"I was just thinking Thorin is King so that makes Fili and Kili princes" he laughed "Imagine those two pranksters as princes"

Gandalf smiled "They have always been Princes to the dwarves, the folk of Ered Luin treated them like anyone else but they were always protected, as you may have noticed on this quest."

Bilbo nodded "I suppose, did you ever travel to Ered Luin?"

"I did, once me and Thorin had met and discussed the quest, I was invited to meet with Thorin in Ered Luin, they were a most kind and friendly people. Thorin's sister was quite the host."

"You met with Thorin's sister, is she like him?"

Gandalf laughed "Yes and no, she is alike in looks and nature, although not quite as gruff as Thorin, she is kind and gracious and also not afraid to tell any of the lad's off. While I was there, she smacked Kili round the back of the head, told Thorin off for being grumpy and kicked Fili's feet from the table. She is most certainly a force to be reckoned with."

Bilbo was smiling, he couldn't imagine Thorin being told of by his sister, but he could imagine that any relation of Thorin must be as tough as he was.

"Do you think we should go and see how they all are, I'd like to help if I could do anything" Bilbo turned to ask Gandalf who smiled and agreed that perhaps, it was time to see the fates of their companions.

 **Don't hate me because I killed off Tauriel, I quite liked her character, but I wondered how Kili would have dealt with her death, If of course he survives. I love to hear what you think so please leave a review. I'm sorry about any spelling mistakes that this chapter had when first published, It hopefully has been put right.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everybody who reviewed, favorited or followed. I'm sorry that there were some mistakes in the first version, I had to edit and delete it and upload again. This story has been in my head for so long but I haven't had the time to write. For the guest reviewers that asked, I will attempt to get an epilogue for "It's not safe" out as soon as I can and I will be updating dreams as well.**

Dain could be heard barking out orders, the dwarves of the Iron Hills were busy and had almost finished securing the mountain once again. Balin had had word that they would be able to move Thorin and the boys inside the mountain. The elves had been kind enough to bring food for everyone, including the survivors of Laketown. Men, Elves and Dwarves all helping each other. Balin had to admit, it was a sight to be seen. Dwalin was less sentimental than his brother. He was still aloof with the Elves, thankful of course, he had made it his life's work to protect Thorin and he would die for him. They were great friends, had played together as children, even though he was years younger than Thorin. Balin had to admit that he hoped Thorin would soon wake and begin his road to recovery. He would make a great king. Balin walked into the tent holding the royal family and his attention was drawn to Thorin who had Oin and two other healers around him. They were rushing and Balin could instantly see that Thorin was bleeding. Feeling helpless he stood and watched the scene. A cold fear washed over him. There was a niggling feeling at the back of Balin's head that something was not right with Thorin, he didn't know what was wrong but he felt that of all of them, Thorin was the only one who had been conscious when they brought them back. Since then he had slept and Balin had been afraid he would never wake again.

The dwarves covered Thorin with bandaging and rubbed salve onto wounds to stop infection. Balin watched helplessly. He took a seat to the side in between both Fili and Kili who appeared to have been left alone. Dwalin was nowhere to be seen. It was only then that he saw someone watching him. He looked back at Kili. His deep brown eyes staring at what looked like nothing, but they had a panic about them and they were wet.

"Kili" Balin scooted forward to be closer to Kili. Kili said nothing, his chest rising shortly and his mouth open as if screaming for breath.

"It's ok Kili….OIN" Balin shouted for the healer who whipped round. "He's awake" Oin left Thorin's care in the hands of the other healers and with a jog he appeared by Kili's side.

"Alright Kili" Oin set his hand on Kili's shoulder Kili looked at him. His eye betraying how he felt. Kili tried to take some air in but struggled and grasped at his chest.

"Kili, you have a stab wound to your chest, your lungs are damaged and it will feel hard to breathe so nice short small breaths. Kili did as he was told and looked to be struggling to speak.

"Don't try to speak Kili, just breathe, nice and easy now" Kili now began to visibly panic, he grabbed at the side of the bed.

"H..h…hurts" he whispered quietly.

"I Know lad, but you will be alright" Oin's soft voice reassuring as ever. Balin looked at the healer. He was certain that his voice had a comforting edge to it, unlike the harshness of Dwalin or even his own wizened voice. Kili stared at Oin.

"F..F…Fili, he fell, he's dead" Balin's heart almost broke at the lad's voice. Broken as it was and lost.

"Your brother lives Kili, he has terrible injuries but he breaths and his heart beats. Oin patted Kili on the shoulder, expecting the news to be taken in and accepted but it was.

Kili head shook slightly,

"He was dropped from the cliff. Azog…" Kili choked and a little blood trickled from his mouth.

"Now Kili" Oin said sternly "You must not do that"

"He's dead, I saw him fall, he's dead" a lone tear fell steadily down Kili's face. Kili tried to take a breath. Balin could hear the horrible noise in Kili's throat as the lad scrambled for breath.

"Easy take it easy Kili" Oin soothed him "Look….your brother is right there" Oin pointed to the left of the bed and Kili's eyes followed until there rested on the prone figure lying on the next bed.

"Watch how his chest rises, your brother is next to you and he is alive" Kili watched Fili. It was true, he was there but, Kili could see no rise and fall of the chest, he could only see Fili lying on the ice at Ravenhill. Blood pouring from his back and not moving. Fili was dead. He had seen him fall.

"Why is he here, he is d.d..dead" Kili did not take his eyes off Fili but Balin and OIn shared a look.

"He is very much alive my dear lad and it is nice to see you awake too" The booming voice carried across the tent and everyone including Kili turned to look at its source. Gandalf strode purposefully into the room and looked around, his eyes lingering on Thorin, before shifting to Fili and finally at Kili.

"It seems that they are ready to move them inside the mountain" Gandalf exclaimed to everyone. Balin nodded, I will see to it and he moved away not before he gave Kili a gentle pat and smile.

"Now Kili, son of Dis, listen carefully, your brother was saved by myself and the elves, as were you and your uncle. It seems that your work in Middle Earth is not complete. Thranduil saved your brother, I am not a healer but I do know a few good spells." Gandalf smiled more to himself than to anyone else. Elvish medicine is the most revered in Middle Earth and Thranduil is himself a master healer. We were able to save your brother, but his body is broken from the fall, so we must hope that the Durin spirit is as bright as we think" Gandalf ended his speech and looked down kindly at Kili, whose eyes flickered from his brother to Gandalf and then at Oin.

"He's alive?" Kili whispered

"Yes Kili, he is alive, even Mahal himself cannot separate the two of you"

Kili stared at his brother, his arm snaked out from beneath the cover that Oin had placed upon him and he reached towards Fili. Fili was too far away to touch but Kili closed his eyes and allowed the grief to wash over him, his brother and best friend was alive.

The room stayed quiet allowing Kili to process this new information. Oin felt Kili's head, it was still warm, Oin sighed.

"Kili, your brother has a great many broken bones as you can imagine, I cannot allow him to be any closer to you, just in case, you understand." Kili did not understand but he could not keep his arm outstretched as it pulled on his chest. He knew himself that bleeding from the mouth was not good and his chest felt like somebody was stood on him.

"Where is Thorin?" Kili asked slowly "Where is my Uncle?"

"He is alive, though he has a stomach wound that will not stop bleeding" Kili swallowed.

"I want to" Kili began before Oin cut him off

"He is right there across the room, I will not allow you to see him, and you cannot sit up in your condition. Indeed you should be resting"

Suddenly Bilbo bobbed up in front of Kili, "He spoke with me before Thranduil healed him, he wanted to know that you and Fili were alright" Kili stared at the hobbit.

"Thranduil healed us all?" Kili asked he didn't remember Thranduil, he only remembered Tauriel.

"Where is Tauriel, she was hurt" Kili asked

Bilbo looked awkwardly at Gandalf and then at Oin.

"I am not sure what happened to her Kili, I will find out for you" Oin replied softly.

Balin suddenly entered the tent.

"Ok Oin they are ready to move them, who do you want first" Oin took one look at Kili and then moved away leaving the young dwarf with Bilbo, as Gandalf also got up and moved away.

"Thorin first, I think"

"W..w….where are you taking him, Kili's chest felt like it would explode, he clutched it wildly.

"Inside the mountain, Kili, somewhere safer and warmer for you all, where the king should be" Oin explained "Now you need to rest, we will be back soon, and there will be someone here to sit with you and Fili"

"I will stay" Balin volunteered "Dwalin is waiting outside, he will go with Thorin just in case" Oin nodded.

"Keep an eye on him" he said quietly to Balin.

Kili felt his head fall to the side, the image of Fili in his eyes, but an image of blood and war resided in his head. He didn't dare close his eyes. He could see people busying themselves around the bed which must have been Thorins. None of them were awake and he felt suddenly lost and a childlike longing for his mother overcame him.

"How long" he whispered

"Since the battle?" Balin paused although he knew what Kili was asking. "Almost 2 days"

Kili licked his lips caustiosly. "And everyone else, are they o..ok" Kili's voice was almost a whisper and Balin was not sure whether it was due to the pain in his chest or the emotion that he ultimately must have felt.

"Cuts, bruises, a few dislocation and sprains, the company are all ok. We lost many dwarves for the Iron Hills. Dain will take care of them for now" Balin glanced at Kili but could not meet his eyes.

"B..B..Balin, what happened to Tauriel, she was hurt"

Balin considered Kili's stuttering. He had done it as a child. Thorin had despaired of him. Balin was convinced it was an anxious notion, a point of view which Dis had shared.

"Lad, you need to concentrate on getting better"

"She's dead isn't she?"

Bilibo who had been sitting close by, feeling rather out of place suddenly took a place by Kili's bed.

"She fell Kili. She saved you but she had been too badly injured. She made Legolas promise that he would keep you alive" Bilbo grimaced. Maybe he had said too much. The thought that Balin and Oin may have been keeping the news from him suddenly occurred to Bilbo.

Kili made a horrible noise, his chest failed to rise and fall and all Kili could hear was a rush in his ears and someone cry out. His eyes went black and when he opened them, his body ached like he had never felt before.

 **Hope you liked it. Please review, favourite or follow or make me ecstatic and do all three!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. Hope you enjoy!**

Kili could hear voices, muffled but he heard them, his side felt strange and he could fell hands on his chest and certainly a hand on his face. He knew his eyes must have been closed as the voices were asking him to open his eyes. His body felt cold, for a moment everything felt like it was drifting together, no pain or sadness, no fear and a sense of peacefulness overtook his body.

 _He could see her, she held a hand out to him, but he couldn't move to take it, he felt a surge of panic, she smiled at him and her hand fell. He had made his choice, he couldn't leave Fili and Thorin and his mother. Although Mahal knew if he would ever see any of them again, his mind suddenly changed, he wanted to go with her, just leave everything, no-one would miss him, he wasn't that important._

 _Only he was, he saw her again, she seemed further away, her hand was no longer outstretched towards him and when he tried to get closer to her, his legs were heavy. Her whole body was shining as she had, when she had healed him in Laketown. He went to call her name, but the words sunk on his lips, she was still smiling at him, she looked at peace, full of mischievous energy, a twinkle in her eyes, unlike the sadness and fear he had seen there before. She was telling him to go back, he could hear her in the distance, a soft sound, she was saying she loved him and she was no longer afraid. He was desperate to reach her, but the distance between them was growing and he noticed that she was fading. A sense of panic overtook him and he spluttered, his chest suddenly on fire, his side splitting with a pain he could not describe._

She was gone, his eyes flew open to reveal the voices he had known all his life. The reassuring sound of Oin and Balin, the gruffness of Dwalin and suddenly more voices, he wasn't sure of, Bilbo, Gandalf and some elves whose language and voices sounded different somehow to the dwarven voices he had loved for as long as he could remember. His eyes were wet and he realised he was shouting out, the sound he could hear was his own voice, he was gripping the hand of Balin and his eyes switched from face to face.

 _She was gone…_

He fell limp, suddenly he just wanted someone to hold him, a childlike sense of security and love. He knew he was crying, Thorin would have been ashamed of him. Once again, he was aware of someone touching his face, his eyes landed on the culprit, Balin. He tried to focus on his face, taking in the wizened lines upon it and the kindly smile which he bestowed on Kili.

"It's ok lad, It's going to be ok, just stay with me and you will be ok" Kili heard Balin's voice, quietly shushing him, he felt like a child and his desire to fling himself at his elder was only stopped because of the intense pain in his chest. He glanced at Oin, before Balin brought his attention back on him.

Something had gone wrong, thought Kili, I'm not ok and I was dying. The realisation hit him. He had seen Tauriel, she had been there because he was dying. But he was awake now, he felt the pain and it hurt. Oh Mahal it hurt. He watched as Balin continued to speak softly to him, he was reminded of the softer side of Thorin, how he would whisper quietly to him when he had been younger. Where were they?

"W..w..where's Fili and Uncle" Kili's voice was breathy and sore.

"They are inside the mountain, which is where we want to take you, once we get you better" Balin assured voice made Kili believe him.

"Right lad" Oin suddenly pressed his hand to Kili's head, the way his mother always used to when feeling for a fever.

"He's stable, I think" Oin nodded to Balin. Kili could feel something in his side, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was but it made his chest feel less tight and sore. He could see blood on the tunic he was wearing, he had obviously been bleeding quite heavily. His eyes felt heavy, he wanted to sleep, but Balin was stroking his face, keeping him awake.

"Tauriel is dead" Kili said as he looked into Balin's eyes.

"Yes lad she is"

"I saw her, she wanted me to go with her" Kili paused certain that Balin was going to interject but he didn't so Kili continued.

"I couldn't because they said Fili was alive…. I..I..I wanted to though" Kili dropped his head, the shame of this admission suddenly realised.

"I couldn't leave Fili, she..she didn't want me to"

Kili's took a breath and for a second Balin's face registered alarm but then it softened again

"Please, i..i. want to see Fili, p..p..pplease" Kili was aware that he was close to tears again, his voice choked and he couldn't hide the tears that welled in his eyes.

Balin nodded to him "we are going to move you shortly, Oin is just checking you will be ok if we carry you on a stretcher"

Kili grimaced at the thought, he felt his whole body would erupt in pain if anyone should touch him, never mind lift him and carry him.

Bilbo was very aware of the fact that he had just caused Kili a major setback and not for the first time in his life did he curse his mouth. It had often got him into trouble, giving him a reputation for being a little bit odd. He cringed as he remembered putting his foot in it back in the goblin caves when he had told Bofur that the dwarves had no home. The look on Bofur's face had shown his hurt at the comment. He knew Kili wouldn't hold this against him, he wasn't the type. Not loyal brave reckless Kili. He was too kind for that, Bilbo recalled asking Kili a particularity personal question on the journey to the mountain, about his beard, the others had laughed at Kili's expense but Kili had been courteous to Bilbo and had not blamed him in the slightest. Bilbo had seen the panic in Balin and Oin's faces when Kili had begun to yell and his breathing had slowed to nothing more than a whisper. He hoped that they would forgive him for not having the sense to keep quiet about the elf that Kili had obviously grown fond of. He had tried to get close enough to assert his apologies but Gandalf had quite sensibly held him back and watching the older dwarves surround Kili, and bring him back to life, Bilbo had got a remarkable sense of how much they loved the young dwarf, he was royalty after all, but he was family too. Bilbo felt very lonely watching the dwarves at times, they all looked out for each other, cared about each other. Bilbo did not have that sense of loyalty to anyone in the Shire, he had kept himself to himself. How he craved that closeness now. He would make it up to Kili, should he ever get the chance to. Dwalin had returned from his trip moving Thorin and then Fili, and was hovering around, surely being the protector of Kili, a role Bilbo knew he took very seriously.

Bilbo had watched as Kili clung to life, his pain at the realisation that Tauriel was dead had been evident for all to see. His chest had opened and the sound that Kili had made, had gone through Bilbo. Balin had pushed him out of the way, in an attempt to get closer to the young dwarf. Oin had shouted and bellowed orders, a flurry of activity, of which Bilbo had no idea what he could do to help. His relief as Kili had breathed and Oin had been allowed to relax as he kept Thorin's youngest heir alive. Bilbo immediately thought of Thorin and Fili. Kili had been deemed less injured than the other two and yet here he was only just clinging to life. Fili, who was wrapped from head to foot, in bandage, his bones shattered from the fall, even though he had managed to avoid being stabbed too deeply as Azog had dropped him earlier than he would have liked. His injuries were serious. Thorin's stomach wound was horrific, Bilbo had seen the amount of blood that had poured from his body and in his deepest and most private thoughts, he did not believe that Thorin could survive.

Bilbo glanced back at Kili. His brown eyes, so unlike those of his brother and uncle, that Bilbo wondered if they had come from his father, stared at Balin, who gripped his hand and cupped his face. Determined to keep the boy calm and breathing. Kili's tunic had now been almost ripped off, it hung loosely by his sides exposing Kili's red chest to the world. The wound had been sewn up, a tube of some sort was embedded in his skin. Bilbo looked away.

Dwalin had moved away from Kili leaving his brother and Oin to continue what they were doing. He glanced at Bilbo and Gandalf who were lingering in the corner.

"Bloody stupid Hobbit" Dwalin thought, but said nothing. He could not imagine life without the youngest Durin. Headstrong, feisty and comical, in contrast to his brother who was confident, calm and honest. One brother without the other was incomprehensible. Dwalin had seen how much Thorin had missed and grieved his own brother Frerin after he died. It was not a fate that Dwalin wanted to see happen to Fili and Kili. Dwalin became lost in his thoughts on Thorin and his nephews, he had vowed to Dis that he would guard each of them with his life. Keeping watch over them now was horrendous, the constant worry of death lingering over all three.

"Dwalin, we are going to move him" Dwalin snapped back to reality, the room had suddenly become quiet, Dwalin gathered himself together and came to his brother's side.

Kili's eyes were soft, but Dwalin noticed the nervousness in the lad's face, he had seen it many times, when training Kili, and often in his uncle's presence when he was searching for approval.

"Is it safe to move him" Dwalin questioned?

"Yes, I think so, we have to just hope that he will be ok" Oin began "He is stable and that's the main thing"

The three dwarves including Balin and another healer from the iron hills gathered around the bed, a stretcher waiting on the ground to lift him.

"Let me, it will be safer" The dwarves whipped round to see that Thranduil had entered the tent. He swept in before anyone could say a thing and in one fluid motion lifted Kili quickly but softly and laid him down with only a heavy breath from Kili for noise.

"We would have managed it" Dwalin huffed, but he found he could not look at Thranduil and could not muster any other words. For the dwarves had much to thank Thranduil for.

"Thank you My Lord Thranduil" Gandalf said most wholeheartedly.

Thranduil gave a nod of the head and 4 elves appeared as from nowhere and lifted the stretcher with Kili supported on top.

Out of the Tent and into the wonderfully lit up doorway of Erebor, the green and golden halls from within Erebor glowing with Dwarven light. Kili's eyes were open, his fear subsiding, he could feel the throb of his chest which was enough to keep him awake, through the journey, but his eyes were filled with images of battle, orcs and blood. The thought suddenly occurred to him that he was crying again, tears streaming down his face and the tall figure of an Elven king moving through Erebor looming before him. He hoped Thorin would not be too disappointed in him. His heart ached for his brother and Uncle and his mother, oh what he would do for his mother to tell him everything was going to be fine, like she so often had. They marched onwards delving deeper into the mountain, until a sharp right and there he saw two more beds and two more bodies, one covered in bandages and the other bandaged round his waist. It took Kili a moment before he realised that he was back with his brother and Uncle, Balin and Dwalin barking out orders and other voices that he recognized, voices that made him feel safe for the first time since he had woken up. He was jostled a little as he was lifted from the stretcher and onto a bed which was covered in soft furs, he was quickly covered up and as he tilted his head to the side, he recognized the long flowing blonde hair of his most beloved brother. He released a sigh and his arm outstretched towards Fili, grasping desperately to reach him before he was hauled back.

"Not yet laddie" Oin's voice told him, "Fili is too badly hurt just now and your chest will not survive another opening." Even so, Oin shifted the pair so that their fingers could touch, knowing that it might be enough to keep both brothers alive.

 **Ok so reviews please, this chapter was particularly hard to write. I wanted to get Kili's point of view over and how he was feeling. Hope I achieved it and you enjoyed it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know it has took so long, it is a fairly long chapter with lots going on, so I hope you enjoy. I will try to update as soon as I can but as we know life takes over sometimes.**

The room that Kili had been laid in had been cleaned and any rubbish removed. Erebor had been inhabited by a dragon for 200 years, but surprisingly many rooms and chambers had lain intact, with much of the furniture being untouched by the dragon, he having only been interested in the large amount of gold and anyway, he had been far too large to fit into many of the smaller chambers. While the dwarves of the iron Hills had under Dain's rule been making the mountain secure and liveable, it was Thorin's small company that had arranged the room that their king and his heirs were to recuperate in.

"That and to die in" Kili had thought when he had been brought into the room and Dori had fussed about the place. Having caught a glimpse of Thorin, who he had to admit did not look well, Kili felt an ache in his heart, he had looked away from Thorin, he wondered if Oin had noticed because Oin had been telling Kili to lie still and not disturb his brother. Kili felt a tinge of annoyance as if he was a small child being told off, but then Oin always had that way about him, he was kindly and Kili knew that it was Oin who as a young healer, had delivered Kili himself, perhaps that was why he always treated him as a child. Then the thought occurred to Kili that he was a child compared to the others and only hours before, had he not wept for his mother. Kili closed his eyes, his fingers, still tightly binded to his brother's hand. Then a small smile appeared on his face as he realised that what he had just thought would have been what Fili would have said, had he been having the conversation with him rather than with himself. He looked across a Fili's face, his eyes were closed, but his face did not look pained nor hurt, just as if he was sleeping. Kili couldn't resist tugging a little on Fili's fingers. They had always been so close that dwarves in the Blue Mountains had said they could speak without talking, Thorin had said it himself. Kili suddenly felt a dark glimmer of hope. He looked at Fili, pleading with him to wake. Fili's blond hair shimmered, it was dirty from the battle, and his head had a large wound above his right eye where the orcs had hit him. Kili felt Fili's fingers and squeezed softly again and again, but nothing happened. Kili suddenly felt frustrated, he lashed out and let go of Fili's hand, he shouted at the top of his voice and tears began to fall silently down his face, he brushed his sleeve across his face and then dropped it quickly as a shot of pain flew across his chest.

"Hey Kili, you're alright"

Kili's head moved swiftly, he wasn't alone, he hadn't been since the battle, he should have known. His eyes rested on a voice he knew. Bofur, he stood with his legendary hat ripped and torn on his head, his lopsided grin smiled at Kili and Kili also saw that Oin loitered about on the other side of the room. There was a figure at the door which could have been Dori, but he couldn't see the face.

"Stop saying that, Stop saying that, I'm not alright, nothing is alright" Kili bellowed, and when Bofur moved to touch him, he batted his hand away "Don't please don't.."

The room was silenced, Kili lay and the only sound you could hear was his own shallow and laboured breathing. He felt the tear stains on his face, they had dried from his changing emotions, from sorrow to sudden anger with Kili having no control over them.

Bofur moved sadly away from Kili's bed, he had known Kili from being a young dwafling, eager to look at Bofur's wares on market days. He had made and given both Fili and Kili toys over the years, he had always thought he could bring a smile to their faces. He glanced at Kili who was recoiling away from him, his head turned away and staring at his brother, who for so long had always been the stable factor in an ever-growing more dangerous world.

"Fili please wake up I need you to wake up" Kili's voice was soft and whispered. Fili did nothing but Kili squeezed his hand anyway.

Dain barged into one of the rooms which was not too far away from where the Durin's lay. Balin sat in the room, mindlessly stirring a cup of cold tea that the elves had kindly provided the dwarves of Erebor with. Gloin and Bombur quietly sitting in contemplation, while Nori comforted Ori. Bifur was carving something in his hand that he would show to no-one and Dwalin stood by the door glaring into space. Bilbo sat awkwardly for he knew not what to say or do to help any of them. Gandalf was nowhere to be seen. At this sudden intrusion of Dain, the company minus Oin, Bofur and Dori who were all in the chamber with Thorin and the boys, all jumped, pulled form their own thoughts.

"Well now, the door is fixed, my lads have seen to that" Dain was mildly happy, not the feeling that the other company members were feeling at all.

"Thank you Dain, Thorin will be delighted with your help" Balin nodded before swallowing hard.

"No bother" Dain's rough accent replied.

"Now, what's next, I was thinking we need to arrange a meeting to sort out an schedule, everything needs cleaned and washed, I've sent word to the Iron Hills, there are more coming to help and I also have heard that you have involved the elves of Rivendell." Dain said the last part of his sentence with raised eyebrows, as if he didn't agree.

"Ya should have said lads, we don't need the elves sniffing about, they'll be after some gold for their troubles."

"And so they will be paid" Gloin replied "We have much to be grateful for, they saved the lads' lives, we would be without a king if it wasn't for them"

"We are already without a king" Dain began before Dwalin started forward

"Thorin is the king" Dwalin growled

"Of course, but what use is he in the state he's in, he cannot protect this mountain from the elves, of course I could always speak to them in his place!"

"There is no need, Gandalf is speaking with the elves and we know Elrond, having met him on the way here" Balin spoke, standing as he did as if to show who was in charge.

Dain scoffed "Wizard and elves deciding what is to happen within the mountain, I will willingly send advisors, I am the closest relative to Thorin, I feel I must take command."

"Fili and Kili are the closest relatives to Thorin, and we supported Thorin when he suggested this crazy idea, where were you Dain, you refused to help him" Dwalin was up in Dain's face.

Dain stepped back. "I'm just saying that as Thorin's nearest relative, I can take charge"

"And what of the boys, Fili is Thorin's first heir and Kili the second" Balin did not look at Dain, as if he knew what was about to be said.

"Fili is hardly in any state, he is yet to wake"

"But Kili is awake and of sound mind

"But he has not been taught to be king, he knows not the meaning of his role" Dain laughed which made all the members of the company look up at him.

"Maybe…. "Balin began

"Brother, no" Dwalin roared

"However, of every member of this company, Kili knows Thorin better than any of us, he knows what he would want, of what he envisioned for this place, once it was returned. It is Kili who we should be turning to" Balin gave a look towards Dain of finality.

"I will speak with him, he is still recovering but I believe that with guidance, he will stand in for his brother and Uncle"

"He is but a dwarfling" Dain boomed

"He is young yes, but he has proved his worth" Dwalin spat

Dain retreated and sighed, "If that is your wish, I do not wish to discredit the lad, I'm just not sure you or he understands what he must do now"

"We understand" said Balin "You can be sure of that"

Dain nodded to Balin and left the company to themselves, almost banging into Bofur who had just entered the chamber.

"The cheek of him" Gloin said once Dain had left, the other dwarfs muttered in agreement.

"Lads, I have something to tell you" Balin stood up and turned to the rest of the company, his short stature looked tired and older than ever. "I spoke with Thorin about this eventuality before we left Ered Luin, if something was to happen to him, he was adamant that the boys should rule, Fili as king and Kili as his first in command"

"As we've always known" Gloin replied and the others were nodding

Balin cleared his throat "He also said that we should be wary of Dain, he felt that there could be a coup for kingship, if Thorin was injured. We must do everything within our power to heal Thorin and Fili"

"What about Kili?" Bofur asked "I was just with him, mentally, he is struggling"

"Then we will just have to help him" Balin grimaced

"He is grieving for the elf and worrying about Fili and Thorin, it is more that he can deal with" Bofur said quietly "I do not know if he will handle the pressure, if we ask him to stand up to Dain"

"He won't be on his own though will he, we will get him through it" Balin grinned at the company.

"There is only one person who will get Kili through his grief and pain" The whole company turned to look at Dori who had just walked in. "Fili is awake"

There were cheers from the company. Balin looked as though he could have cried and then a quick glance at his brother saw that Dwalin had punched the air. The dwarves all seemed to stand as if they were going to all traipse in to the healing room and see Fili.

Fili opened his eyes slowly, his fingers gripping something that felt familiar. His eyes were fuzzy, and the feeling of sickness overcame him. He gagged, his face being turned away quickly while he vomited. Easy words fell upon his ears, but again, he couldn't distinguish what they were saying. He swallowed tentatively while someone wiped his mouth gently. His eyes began to focus and Oin's face swam before him, there were buzzing in his ears, he felt hot and cold at the same time – faint even. Before he could realise who else was there, who was calling his name and the fingers in which he was binded to, he let out a howl of pain. For the pain was excruciating, his back felt as if he was on fire, and his body felt heavy and broken. He could not move, the turn in his neck when he had been sick was enough to realise that every movement was painful. He didn't even know where he was. Fili tried to breath, he tried to turn his head to the sound of a voice almost screaming his name, the voice sounded desperate. Before he knew what was happening, he felt dizzy, his eyes were closing and the sweet taste of something in his mouth before the sounds and sights drifted away.

"Kili, I had to, there was nothing more I could do. His body must rest to heal" Oin's voice was stern and Kili turned away from him petulantly. The dreaded tears were threatening and this time everyone was there to see it. Even Ori looked upon Kili in pity. Kili wanted them to leave.

"Get out" he said quietly

"Come on lads" Balin asked of the company "There's nothing more to be done" The company traipsed out, with sorrowful looks thrown at Kili and Fili. Kili closed his eyes. This was too hard.

Oin stayed along with Dwalin who lingered behind after the rest had gone.

"It had to be done laddie" Oin said gently "he will wake again and he will be better for it, Do you remember when you first woke and how bad you felt?"

Kili suddenly felt selfish. "I just want him to be ok" Kili said quietly, mumbled through the covers which he had pulled up to his face.

"And he will be, you must be patient" Oin said scolding a little. Kili felt his eyes fell heavy, his overwhelming fear enclosed him and he fell off to sleep, grief, and nightmares were waiting for him.

Dwalin poured himself a drink and him and Oin who was exhausted sat watching over the Royal family. Oin had tended to Thorin who had slept through the drama of Fili waking and Kili's upset. While the boys were struggling with their healing, Thorin slept on, heart still beating and still drawing breath but no better nor worse. The room was finely decorated, that was clear to see, Dori had done a fine job in readying the room for Thorin and the lads, The fine red and blue drapes had been washed and now hung delicately and beautifully, indicating royalty. Thorin had always been royalty but he had times had been one of the lads as well, Dwalin knew better than anyone, Thorin was quick witted and also bore grudge but he was also kind and hardworking. Fili and Kili on the other hand were not so easy to tell as royalty, they had never grown up with the stigma and had been as free living as they liked, although Thorin had always seen to their education and weapon training and they had always checked on the more vulnerable members of the settlement once they were old enough to do such tasks. Fili as the older had received a much more intense education, as he got older, with Thorin taking him to meetings and informing him of decisions and plans. Dwalin slurped his drink and allowed the mirage of images swim in his mind, Thorin was his dearest friend and his king. The boys had always been a top priority and he loved them as his own. As in fact most of the company did.

Kili slept fitfully, Dwalin dozed as did Oin but were awakened by the sounds of a terrified voice. Kili's head thrashed from side to side and his hand held the covers that surrounded him. The dream must have been bad and Dwalin got up to comfort him or wake him Oin wasn't sure which. Before Dwalin reached him, they heard Fili's voice.

"It's ok Kee, You're just dreaming, I'm right here" His voice was choked and quiet but it had the desired effect and Kili's head rolled slightly towards Fili and their hands joined unconsciously, both of them falling quiet. Dwalin and Oin looked at each other. Oin got up quickly and approached Fili. Fili was lying with his eyes half open. He managed a smile, which made both Oin and Dwalin smile.

"He giving you trouble?" Fili asked giving a slight cough.

"Aye of course" Oin laughed

Fili licked his lips and Oin gave him some water from a sponge to suck. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been splattered off a cliff" Fili said dryly, his smile turning into a grimace.

"Well lad, you have got some serious injuries."

"I know, I can feel them"

"I can give you some pain relief, you are a lot better than when you first woke up"

Fili gave a slight nod and then his mouth upturned quickly at the movement. "So broken bones?" Fili enquired.

"Aye lad and lots of them, a slight stab wound to your back but nothing we couldn't stitch up."

"And Kili and Thorin?" the words hung in the air. Oin sighed.

"There are both alive. Kili is recovering well, his chest was opened, we nearly lost him but now he is getting better and Thorin hasn't woken yet" Fili took all this information in. He swallowed and gave another little cough but then said nothing.

"It will be a long journey for you Fili" Oin said seriously.

Fili felt tears in his eyes. "I tried to protect him I sent him away, I knew Azog was up there"

Oin frowned. But Fili continued. "I couldn't do that he still got hurt"

Dwalin was suddenly there "You stop that!" His tone was sharp and Fili caught his eye.

"You are hurt as well, you need to be worrying about you and looking after yourself"

Oin nodded "He's right Fili, now about that pain relief"

Oin turned to mix some herbs to give to Fili.

"So long as he's ok" Fili gestured with his fingers that were clenched in Kili's grasp.

Dwalin looked at Fili long and hard, he had an air of someone who was giving up. Dwalin realised the feeling he had seen it many times.

"Now stop that" Dwalin said with a start. "That lad is waiting for you to wake up, he needs you and you need him. We all need you to get better" Oin was watching Dwalin, It was not often that Dwalin got emotional but both Fili and Oin could hear it in his voice. "When Thorin was in the grip of his sickness, he threatened to kill me, I didn't give up on him and I will not let you give up now. I won't Fili!"

Fili swallowed with some difficulty and a small smile appeared on his face, along with a few tears that he was unable to wipe away. Dwalin wiped his own tears away before wiping away Fili's. Oin gave Fili some pain relief and the two old dwarves watched as Fili slowly fell asleep, still grasping his sleeping brother's hand.

Thorin lay in the hospital bed, sounds drifting through his ears. Although he wasn't awake, he heard as his old friends comforted his nephew, the sounds were comforting in his own ears. He listened until the sounds drifted away.

 **Reviews and Follows are welcomed. Hope you liked it.**


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